I lay awake in the darkness, unable to get back to sleep. The sudden cramp in my leg was what had awakened me. The pain had been excruciating. Rubbing my calf vigorously I sat up for some time till the pain had abated. But getting back to sleep was a different story.

It was pre-dawn time when defenses were at the lowest and awareness heightened. Things were clearer and could be seen for what they really were. Details that you never noticed or refused to during the waking hours of the day appeared in all their clarity during these early hours. The brightness of the day seemed to make them scurry and hide in some hell-hole were no light could be shed on them. So you inevitably missed them.

Misery filled me. What a coward I was. I had made all the wrong decisions and now I did not have the guts to face the truth. And what was the truth, my inner self seemed to ask me, do you really know what the truth is? My eyes moistened as I thought of my strange predicament. I was loved and yet I was not. Is that what I wanted??

Why was I taking this emotional abuse?? There was no reason I should. Love is not reason enough for that. I tried to summon up hatred to give me the fillip to make that final break. No, sadly I was incapable of feeling that. Love did not have a place for hatred in it. I had only one way left, to silently leave. I would, I decided.

I looked out of the window at the sky. Dawn was here. I sighed. I knew the rays of the rising sun would dispel my misgivings along with the darkness. Decisions would be forgotten. I would welcome the day and hope would once again fill my heart. I would go on believing, till another pre-dawn caught me unawares and forced me to face miserable truths.

Written for 3WW CXCIX

Words for the week: abuse, cramp, hatred